Monday, February 22, 2010


I have an idea for a painting, though not the time to work on it today. I'm baking a pie right now, so I'll just have to be content with that as my creative thing for the day. I haven't hardly cooked/baked at all, so it is a fairly big accomplishment.

It's the start of a rough week. Lyra was due this week - Wednesday. And I've had one friend have her baby already yesterday, and another inducing tomorrow. Lyra would have had some good friends to play with.

I have to remind myself that these are things to be happy about - for our friends to have their sons, and for the joy they are experiencing. I wouldn't wish anything else for them. I just wish I could be a part of it too. I feel left out. And terribly sad. And I feel really selfish right now.


  1. I'm sorry. This will be such a difficult week for you and finding it in yourself to be happy for your friends when you are so sad for you is really hard. The conflicting emotions and dark thoughts can be overwhelming. I'm sorry Lyra will not grow up to be playmates with these other babies. It is so hard. (((((hugs))))

    We have friends who were pregnant at the same time as us and who delivered a healthy baby boy 1 week after we delivered Liam. THat was beyond difficult. These friends have bee so patient with us and understanding. We did not visit with them for months. Now, two years down the road, we are able to go to their house and play with their boy and feel only the smallest tinge of bittersweet. It takes time though.

    Again (((((hugs)))))

  2. I'm so sorry this is going to be a tough week. I'm thinking of you a lot. No need to feel selfish...I know you do, but it's okay to feel that way. I wish Lyra could be here to play with her new friends too. I wish I could just fix it for you. XO

  3. Yes...right when I need the support of one of my best friends, I have backed away from talking to her much because Nara died just before she was due. Now she is a mother for the first time and I am so happy for her, but so, so jealous and then feel so guilty. She was so good to call for my advice while in labor...I forgot my body got it right once. I feel that death has stolen a piece of our friendship, too. She lives 7 hours away. I ache to hold her new daughter, yet it terrifies me, as well. I wish she were next door so I could pop in for mini visits until I could go longer...I want to hold a newborn in my arms and pretend for just a moment, but I don't know if I could give her back.