Family Photo

Thank you for your words on Lyra's three year anniversary. I had lovely flowers sent, donations made in her honor, and balloons released. We felt loved, and supported. Lyra was remembered.

And I've remembered so many other babies too...this season is not easy as we miss them in photos.

----

I have not gotten Christmas cards out to everyone. I didn't create a photo one this year, and I didn't have the option to do as many this year either. But this is our family this December. It's a good snapshot of how things are right now. Simon just got a haircut, his first. And he looks like a little boy, which he is, of course. And we watch as he grows and learns, rebels, & loves and is amazed by trucks, sirens, & wheels.

I love how the authors of "H.ow Do D.inosaurs Say M.erry C.hristmas" wish their readers a beautiful holiday season, and I'll leave you with it:

Wishing you an "abundance of love, joy, memory, and gratitude."

Three Years

Missing her lots. 

This might be a repeat image, but it's fitting for this year. L came up with the concept, and I drew it up.

Time

Three years of memory is coming up this December. As I helped a friend in town remember her son on the anniversary of the day he died, it snuck up on me that it's never really easier. It feels that way some days, or weeks. But when it comes down to the fiber of our being, to the beating of our hearts, and the memory of those little feet and hands and lips and hair...it's never easier.

I spoke with a good friend recently, and they've experienced their own grief journey for several years now. They said something to the effect of: "I came to the conclusion that I couldn't be everything. I can choose to be a good at some things. So I chose to be a good parent above all else. And the rest of it, I'm okay with being shit at." And it struck me as brilliant.

I want to be everything to everyone and everything. Perfect parent. Perfect griever. Perfect community member. Perfect artist. Perfect religious model. Perfect daughter. Perfect wife. I care too much again, and am stretching myself thin. I need to come to an understanding with myself, that I can be okay with being shit at some of that stuff. Pick the most important things, and don't sweat the rest of it. Don't fear imperfection.

I'm excited for this holiday season. I always love the cold and the scarves and lights and trees and presents for others. Simon will be two in two months, and he's at just the right age to be really excited this time around. But there's the big lump in my throat knowing it's another year come and gone without her. You know the drill by now.

Wishing everyone time to contemplate the end of another year, and time with family, and beauty in the dark shadows too. <3 p="p">