Questioner: "How are you?"
My brain: "I'm supposed to have a 1 month old, but she's dead."
Safe answer: "Doing ok."
Questioner: "What do you do?"
My brain: "I'm supposed to have a 1 month old, but she's dead."
Safe answer: "Uhhhhh, freelance graphic design."
Questioner: "Have any kids?"
My brain: "I'm supposed to have a 1 month old, but she's dead."
Safe answer: "Ummmm, no."
My brain: "You traitor."
Gosh it really sucks. I know just what you mean and it makes me want to crawl in a hole and never come out. Big hugs. So thankful that I at least can have some interactions like this that make me feel real again.
ReplyDeleteLinked to you through Still Life. My brain goes the same way.
ReplyDeleteIt hurts so much. Been through similar conversations myself. Still have different variations of them now.
ReplyDeleteLove to you.
It is so hard and it does hurt. It breaks my heart a little more (if that is even possible) each time I hear those questions. xo
ReplyDeleteSo many common questions are just torture for us. Always two dialogs going at once - the one that is spoken outloud and the silent one that screams inside.
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult to tell people what they want to hear, yet also avoid lying. I usually answer "how are you" with "surviving" and "how many kids" with "that's a simple question without a simple answer".
ReplyDeleteAnswer: "In the process of recovering from the tragedy of losing our child, but thank you for asking." Answers the question, is honest, includes the new people, honors the child and avoids the mental gymnastics. It's what we do, and people respond very well to that. Pen
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you, and the many that don't really know what to say. Sometimes I think that when people ask the question, they themselves should go through the implications of said question and prepare and make it known they are ready to hear the honest answer.
ReplyDeleteSimple questions like these are now so hard and painful to answer. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteSigh. Ever since my son died 2,5 years ago, I could never wholeheartedly answer with a YES, to the "How are you" question? I wanna shoot back "My son is dead, how am I supposed to feel?".
ReplyDeleteI like Annie's answers... might borrow them in the future.