Wednesday, April 14, 2010
4.14.10
Yes, this I took a picture of this rather than scanning it. Yes, I'm that lazy. Yes, I'm tired of feeling sad. Yes, I don't really know how to move forward. Yes, I know it will "get better". Yes, I jumped too far ahead in my other post by thinking we'd be ready to get pregnant...How can we be ready when our life isn't even a semblance of something stable and healthy? Yes, mother's day stuff is already everywhere. Yes, I'm having a pity party.
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I've never liked the expression "pity party" -- it makes it sound like grief is somehow out-of-the-ordinary, or frivolous, or wrong.
ReplyDeleteI say grieving is praiseworthy and right and good....even though it takes forever and isn't any fun.
Blessed are those who mourn...
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/july/22.50.html
so much, so much....
ReplyDeleteMother's day kicked my ass big time last year, sending me into a 3 month trip to the pit. Why must this day be so comercialized and everywhere????
I remember when I let myself think about TTC again after Liam. I thought about it about 6 months after he died and really latched on for a little while. DH had no clue of my constant thoughts and plans however. But then I realized I was not ready, I still needed to devote my time, energy and heart to grieving Liam. Taking TTC off the shelf was liberating for me. That was ONE thing I did not have to worry about and fret over. Of course, it came up again about 6 months later when we decided it was time to TTC and then came all the pressure and roller coaster ride.
The time to TTC will come when you are ready. Don't rush it or run from it. Something inside will click over and you'll know your heart is ready.
PItty parties are needed and deserved sometimes. Let yourself cry and be in the company of sorrow, despair and grief. sometimes we just have to cry for ourselves and our babies.
(((((hugs)))))
Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm tired too but trying to accept this is just the way it's going to be for a while. I don't go out much so for the most part have been able to pretend Mother's Day isn't happening. Not sure how I'll feel on the actual day though.
Maddie x
Mother's Day without your baby, in particular when you lose your first, is brutal. No doubt about it. I really struggled through that day last year. My only glimmer of hope was being 11 weeks pregnant again.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you so much with this day coming up.
Love to you.
(((HUGS))) and just lots of hugs. XO
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, Luke totally forgot Mother's Day last year and was all like, "What's the big deal - you're my mother every day, not just today!?"
ReplyDeleteAnd you know, it's true. You're Lyra's mother every day. And you're a more Real and loving mother than many children have. Even if Lyra's not around to praise your many fantastic qualities as a mother, many of us remember that you are a mother and think that Lyra really missed out by not living to see you face to face. She did however, get to see her mother from the inside out, which is a privilege most of us cannot recall having, and therefore do not appreciate it the way I'm sure Lyra does. Thank-you for being a shining example of what it means to love your child.
I love you, Rachel.
Rachel, I think you have been doing mighty. Everything you've done is great honor to Lyra Mae. Your art, your actions, your words, everything. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteMothers' Day really to me is just a Hallmark opportunity. Everyday you ARE a mother, and a very wonderful, beautiful one. Please remember that.
Moving forward to slow, inch by inch... but one day you will be looking back in disbelief.
Hang in there. So much love to you. xo