Random
Disclaimer: I am in no way trying to dissuade/judge/mock anyone in whatever beliefs they have about life and how things turn out. After losing a child, or experiencing some other great pain, one's faith or spirituality is important to have hope in. I'm not trying to crush that hope in anyone.
I merely had a conversation with a friend yesterday, and this question popped up in my head. And I'm not trying to start a grand debate or anything. This was a just a sliver of me.
I doodled it in illustrator (and please overlook grammatical errors).
I totally get it...
ReplyDeleteI get it too.
ReplyDeleteI haven't lost a child but lost a husband and learned what insensitive, mind-boggling things people feel it's okay to say to a grieving person!
And often they think they are being helpful! Or supportive! Or that it may somehow make one feel better!?!
I found it very alienating and isolating.
I hate it when people say that type of nonsense. I am a christian, and some of the things that christians say make me ill. No one knows why things happen, and why God allows them to happen, so when they tell me why He did something, it bothers me tremendously. A family member the other day told me that God will let my baby die if she is ill and that is the way that it is supposed to be. I wanted to ask her how she knows this information about God. Did He tell her this directly?
ReplyDeleteI wish that people would just say, "I am sorry." Most people don't know what it is like to have a child die or have a miscarriage, and when they try to "help" it makes things worse. I am currently in the hospital waiting to deliver my 1 pound baby. My friend said, "But you can always try again!" This made me ill. She is my daughter.
Another person told me that my being negative affects my baby, and that she can feel my positive energy. I refuse to listen to that because that is putting the blame on me if she dies. Also, there are millions of "positive" moms whose babies die.
Sorry for the rant...I have just really been thinking about the ass-vice that people give, and how I am done with it.
I am sorry about lyra. I am sorry about idiots.
ReplyDeleteso sorry.
I love your illustrator drawing.
your hair is awesome.
There are always idiots, one of my close friends said pretty much the same thing. Or my mother in law who told me I should take it easy because it was "like" a bereavment..FFS. Religious stuff particularly bothers me as God is about as much help as a chocolate teapot when is comes to things like this. God doesn't "let" or "choose" for people to die he either ignores us completely or does not exist at all. I tend to go with the latter.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this! Too many times I've heard "God doesn't give you more than you can handle. You must be sooo STRONG!" I was raised in a very religious Christian home but it's very very hard to believe there's a loving God. There's so much misery everywhere I look and seemingly very little attempt by God or man to alleviate the suffering of people who are in so much pain. And every time I hear such stupid comments it kills my faith a little more, to the point that I wonder if there's any left at all. It's one more loss on top of everything else.
ReplyDeleteThat made me guffaw. I love your hair too. You should do a series of them and call them idiotic platitudes.
ReplyDeleteComing from a completely unreligious background, this sort of 'advice' people give just comes off as sounding like garbage. Seriously people, if you don't know what to say...just say "I'm sorry for your loss".
ReplyDeleteI get it. Sometimes things that people say don't have much thought or sensitivity. Who are we to figure out why things happen? It's kind of easy to give a quick formula, to figure out God and his interaction with us. But what do we do when that "formula" doesn't make sense? What do we do then?
ReplyDeleteI liked that you doodled this. I'm sorry that you don't have Lyra anymore.
Your doodle has captured your essence, spirit and your glorious hair. I can SEE you in this doodle. Sorry for the things you have to hear and listen to that are not helpful or healing. I miss Lyra too. v
ReplyDeletei always thought strength was highly overrated, sending love, anne xxx
ReplyDeleteyeah someone said the exact thing to us after Fionn died, except for the god thing in it, but it was the same, as in nobody else but us would be better suited and able to handle the loss of a child.
ReplyDeleteJust makes me blink and take a step back and think, are you for real???
xxx
It's great.
ReplyDeleteI hate that sort of comment. I honestly don't know what people expect me to say in response. x
there is nothing biblical in that statement , so it has always bothered me. mother teresa said "god only gives us what we can handle. i wish he didn't trust me so much." and that has always bugged me. the bible says God "equips the called" not that he calls the equipped. and that scripture is speaking directly to believers in reference to equipping them to do the jobs he calls them to do, not to weather hard circumstances. The bible does however state over and over again that the world is full of suffering and evil , wrong things. it says that the rain falls equally on everyone (meaning on belivers and unbelievers) which brings me to MY biggest beef with comments people make- comments like after my SIL had her "perfect" homebirth of her daughter months after Aquila's death. BIL says on his facebook- the baby was born after 3 hours at home. she is soandso weight. God loves me!
ReplyDeleteum , no dude. your baby being born alive (as apposed to dead) is not proof of God's love just as my baby being born dead is not proof of God not loving me. grrrrrr
i am sorry that people are stupid :(
Just one of many things said to me that really pissed me off.
ReplyDeleteLove the illustration.
xo
If I had a dime for every time.. that sentence was mouthed..
ReplyDelete*sigh* ugh... I get it too. My illustration would probably have me pulling out a flame thrower or something to that effect, but that's just my violent self. Ha ha!! :-D
ReplyDeletei don't get how people think that comment can possibly make any one feel better. your cartoon is great at capturing the frustration and anger though. great hair!
ReplyDeletei don't think you could have said or illustrated it any better! i am with you one hundred percent on this!
ReplyDeleteI get this, like somehow this is a compliment? I love the hands - so questioning.
ReplyDeleteI've though of that before. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI got the "guess you find out how strong you are, huh?" in the grocery store a few weeks after Nara died. I shot back with a "not strong enough" and walked away. The God part of this has bugged me since before people started tagging it to my current circumstance. The verse about God not giving us more than we can handle is about temptation - the second part is "but when we are tempted, he will give us strength to stand up under it." Tragedy is much different than temptation. If this was true, there would be no suicide. They should shut their mouths and go read their bible...to themselves...silently. I believe that God is with me helping me stand against this weight because I don't have the ability to survive this without help from a higher power than myself. I don't believe He chose for Nara or Lyra to die because we were strong enough. Bad logic. Bad philosophy. Bad religion. Great cartoon - love the hair.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree, whatever brings a person in tragedy peace is ok, as well. Friends of mine just lost a baby and for them, "God has a plan and a reason" gives them peace, so I would never dream of trying to force my perspective on them.