I conquered. I triumphed. I slayed. I reached a mountain top. I finally did something I should have done a year ago. And I'm damn proud of myself.
Despite the day/evening nausea, my spirits have been quite high the last few days. I could maybe even say I'm feeling positive, which is a foreign emotion as of late.
Positive that maybe there'll still be a heartbeat from little S.uh in 2 weeks at our next appointment. Positive that L and I have taken a few steps for the better recently. Positive that life for these few days hasn't been complete hell.
It won't stay this way. I'll crash at some point. There will still be rough spots. Life is still hard. I still miss my Lyra girl. The 18th is rolling by again, which marks 7 months without her.
But I'm so thankful for a few days of hope, to break up the near constant sadness and hardships that we've had.
Days, even minutes of hope, are sometimes enough to buoy us in the roughest waters. Glad you're having good days--looking forward to reading your updates :)
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDeleteYes, those moments of happiness need to be seized. I used to not hope for always happiness, but that my upswings lasted longer than the last one. So, hoping that the positive unpacks its bags and makes itself at home.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you for those happy moments!
ReplyDeleteI hope you enjoy them to the fullest and are as unaware as possible of possible future crashes (I find if I think of that it makes me enjoy the joy less).
thinking of you
Enjoy those moments. After so many sad, dark moments, you deserve to enjoy the hopeful ones when they come!! XO
ReplyDeleteyou're wonderful, be proud of your achievements.
ReplyDeleteSending you love and hope and happiness.
xxoo
Those days have seem to come more after passing the 6 month mark. Praying for a heartbeat!!!
ReplyDeleteWell done. You should be proud of yourself. x
ReplyDeleteDoesn't it feels so good to feel good, if only for a little while? Ride the highs for as long as you can.
ReplyDeletexo
I am so sorry for your loss. Oh how my heart aches for you.
ReplyDeleteI am also hopeful for you as your child is growing in your womb now. I remember those ups and downs of my pregnancy following my early loss. I didn't want to allow myself any happiness...it is rough and will be until you hold your precious one in your arms...
I am praying for you.
~Hugs~
The moments of peace are so deep and amazing. I'm glad you are in one right now.
ReplyDeletei had one of those good days this week and i don't remember feeling that light in such a long time. i guess it shows that it will be possible in the future to feel happiness again. and yes i always qualify a good day by saying "but i still miss harvey" i think eventually that will become a known, always. and a good day can be seen for what it really is...... a good day. sending loads of love from the south xxx anne
ReplyDeletejust catching up on the last few weeks and i can't believe how much i've missed! wow, what a ride you've been on. i am thrilled to hear the news. big hugs to you - take it one day at a time. xo
ReplyDeleteI'm actually visiting your blog from the Faces of Loss site...
ReplyDeleteI wanted to tell you how very sorry I am for the loss of Lyra (beautiful name, btw). I lost my daughter, Lily, to a placenta abruption at 23 weeks (I had a uterine rupture the same day). The abruption came out of nowhere. Literally, I was fine one second and in excruciating pain the next. I was like yourself, in that this was my first pregnancy and I had never heard of a placenta abruption. I didn't know things like that happened until August 3, 2008...
Congrats on your rainbow baby! How exciting!