...All without you, Lyra.
I subconsciously know when the 18th rolls around each month. The actual day usually surprises me though. Maybe now for the fact that I've survived the raw, depths-of-despair pain that blanketed me those many months. The fog comes and goes unpredictably still, but there is a bit of a breeze slowly making its way back into my life...bringing glimpses of color with it occasionally. I'm learning to not feel guilty about that...to embrace that color when it shows.
To some it looks like I'm "better". I'm able to push off the fog and hold myself in a social moment when I need to now. I can do it a few hours, and then the fog usually slides back over me again. You're never far from my mind no matter what I'm doing though. I'll never be "ok" living this life without you.
As always, I love you and miss you dearly.