Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Another second,
Another minute,
Another hour,
Another day,
Another month...

...All without you, Lyra.

I subconsciously know when the 18th rolls around each month. The actual day usually surprises me though. Maybe now for the fact that I've survived the raw, depths-of-despair pain that blanketed me those many months. The fog comes and goes unpredictably still, but there is a bit of a breeze slowly making its way back into my life...bringing glimpses of color with it occasionally. I'm learning to not feel guilty about embrace that color when it shows.

To some it looks like I'm "better". I'm able to push off the fog and hold myself in a social moment when I need to now. I can do it a few hours, and then the fog usually slides back over me again. You're never far from my mind no matter what I'm doing though. I'll never be "ok" living this life without you.

As always, I love you and miss you dearly.



  1. Oh, the dates. Everyday is difficult enough, but the anniversaries only bring more pain of what should have been. Such beautiful and heartbreaking words. Thinking of you and sending love and hugs your way, especially today.

  2. Thinking of you and Lyra today <3

  3. sweet Lyra, we all miss you today!!!

  4. Dates and anniversaries are hard. Thinking of you and Lyra today.

  5. Sending hugs and love. Maddie x

  6. Your letter to Lyra is so beautiful.

    feeling the 18th with you,jessica

  7. for me its the 8th. those days really suck but thinking of you xxx

  8. I feel so out of place in your comment sections. I'm nothing more than an outsider peering in on your heart, but I so appreciate what you put out there. I'll admit, when I came across your blog last night, I was so taken by it that I started at the beginning and read everything you posted through July. Now I'm working my way through August. Having it all in two shots, I can see how healing is making its gradual way into your life, from the depths of dark despair and grief to brief but more frequent moments of "normalcy"...(whatever that is, right?).

    Anyway...long comment. Hope maybe it can be a bit of encouragement.