Random

Home again. And thankful for our little humble abode. We so enjoyed our time with both sides of our families in the mountains and out on the plains. Getting a way for a time always brings a little perspective, even if it's just, "We needed this."

I'm slowly catching up on comments and posts. I have a few pictures from our trip, but am still feeling rather out of it upon returning home, so will get those another up another time. The following are a few "highlights" of events or thoughts for our holiday.

- I felt exceedingly fragile not being able to climb and hike like I normally would have. I was a slow little turtle, and worried about falling the whole time. L told me that I was being responsible and looking out for little S.uh. That made me seem less dorky.

- I loved the cooler temps. 100+ (F) temps make life seem like it's ending. Temps under 90 make life seem manageable and even slightly enjoyable :)

- Laying on the floor at L's parents house, watching nieces running around, I saw a handful of jewelry beads laying on the floor that had remained untouched and unnoticed for several hours. I said outloud that this was the first time since I've been a part of the family (5 years) that we haven't had to be uber vigilant about picking stuff up off the floor, out of the reach of babies rolling or crawling around. Of course, after saying that, I got kicked in the head with the reality that I should have a 7 month grabbing at things. This is the first time we don't have a baby in the family, and it's because Lyra died. She's dead.

- We did have a good time. We enjoyed ourselves. I enjoyed myself.
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In two weeks we hope to be able to tell the sex of little S.uh. I'm hoping for a girl. Not to replace Lyra, but because that's what we prepared for. I know how to take care of little girls.

L wants a boy. He wants to protect Lyra. He doesn't want us to have a new little girl, and wonder her whole life if that's what Lyra would have done too. If Lyra would have looked like that. If she would have acted like that. To give a bit of separation for identity and allow Lyra and another daughter her own space. That made me perfectly content if we end up having a boy. L has some pretty grounded ways of looking at things, while allowing me my whimsical thinking still. I appreciate his viewpoints, and love how considerate he is of our family.

I think if we do have a girl, we'll be sure and be careful not see her as a duplicate, or a do-over. If Lyra had lived, and we had another girl, they'd have their separate personalities, and ideas and notions. It's hard because Lyra was our firstborn, so we don't have any experience with other children.

I know we'll be excited either way. I just want to know NOW though :)