Friday, February 26, 2010


I saw a flock of geese their wedge pattern. Actually they were pretty scattered...some flying in formation, some not so much. I was driving and it was at that perfect angle where there was all sky framed in my windshield...and then the geese stretched in their stringy arrangement. I wish I would have had my camera so I would have had their haphazard pattern to paint from. This painting is just from my head...and not as random as it really was. 

The coldness of it and the scattered-ness of the geese makes me feel better about our lives right now. I wrote someone the other day, saying that this baby loss thing seems like a trap. We made it past the 1 month marker...then the 2 month marker, and now the due date has passed. It's supposed to get easier and better right? Oh, but wait, there's Mother's/Father's day, 6 months, and of course one year. And all the other reminders in between that pop up - events that we had prepared to take her to, questions about children, and people close to you learning they are pregnant. Like the landmines that Surviving the Day describes, there's always something that will jar me back to the reality that I am forced to go through life without my daughter.


  1. How did it go with new baby H? Did you hold him?

  2. I can't think of a better way to describe it. It's a trap. You think it's about to get better and then out of nowhere something else comes up or it's some kind of milestone. Many hugs to you!!!

  3. I did hold little H. He's just perfect and very healthy.