I didn't think I'd be so sad. Everything feels really raw again, like right after we lost her. Because we're having a boy. Because this pregnancy is a new cycle of life, and it's not with Lyra.
It's with Simon. Our son.
He's weighing in at 13oz and a nice good heartbeat at 154bpm. He was in high action, and switched sides several times during the sono, making the tech really work at getting the measurements. He made it obvious for us that he was a boy, which was appreciated, as I didn't want to have to wait. We'll get the high risk specialist's analysis, as well as my normal doctor's analysis of the pics and measurements sometime next week...or rather we'll hope for no phone call as they'll only call if it looks as if there is something to be concerned about.
After my sono at the high risk specialist, I had an appointment with my normal doctor (so I spent like 4 hours in a waiting room yesterday). He was out on delivery, and since it was a basic check up and I wasn't freaking out, I saw a nurse practitioner I've never seen before. She was friendly and nice, and made the mistake of asking about my child at home. Because of course my charts show I've delivered a baby. I told her about the stillbirth, and she covered everything nicely and I didn't hate her. Just wish the damn charts would highlight the fact I lost my first child so I wouldn't have to keep explaining it to new medical people.
Despite feeling sad, I am glad for this new cycle of life...for our boy. I look forward to the possibility of finger painting, and toy cars, and catching turtles and frogs with him. I just wish his big sister were to be around for her share of this life too. I don't want her to be forgotten now.