Sunday, October 3, 2010


Last Friday just kicked me in the teeth. From emotional low (normal dead baby bad day), to emotional low (failed social interaction), to a further emotional low (ambiguously worrisome current baby news).

I'd like to say thank you to everyone who emailed or left words of love and support. We still feel a bit low here, but it was a big encouragement to read your comments. In fact I keep rereading them to keep the bad vibes at bay.

Tomorrow I hope to call the doctor's office and get some questions answered. I just scribbled down what the doctor said when he called, and didn't have any questions formulated by the time he was done explaining. Along similar not-so-quick-thinking lines, I'm one of those people who, when insulted, will come up with the perfect comeback 3 hours later. It's a real helpful trait.

I have confidence the cysts will go away - my concern is not with them. They in themselves are not harmful. I know we are probably overreacting in feeling so concerned about this eensy chance in their association with d.s. We just feel burned by the percentages in having an unknown complete placental abruption and our daughter being stillborn. Although we have a 99% chance that these cysts indicate nothing in regards to our baby's chromosomal development, we know all too well that being good, or having the right faith, or having positive thoughts doesn't give us immunity. I'd have liked to think that I could play my dead baby card and get a free pass, but I guess that's not how this game is played.

Your thoughts, prayers, vibes, etc. are greatly appreciated. And I do promise some art this week...enough of these rambling words :)


  1. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I really hope your baby is completely healthy in every way and that everything goes perfectly. If down syndrome does end up being your child's diagnosis, I have the most amazing 5 year old niece that I would love to tell you about. She is a huge blessing to our family and my sister is such a great resource. I know d.s. isn't the worst of your concerns, but I thought this might help. Love and blessings.

  2. Hugs. Having been on the wrong side of the numbers once completely changes how you perceive them. Due to one of the markers Matilda had we were told there was a 75% she had DS but she didn't - instead she had a 1 in 14000 syndrome.

    Hang in there and hope you get the answers you're looking for.


  3. So sorry for the added worry. (((hugs))) Hope you find your answers soon :)

  4. I cannot even imagine your worry and envy your strength. Thinking of you.

  5. Hey Rachel

    Just read your news and your concern about the cyst on Simon and the fears od d.s. I'm only catching up with the blog world, oh, dearest friend, there is absolutely nothing I can say to make this less overwhelming. yet again I think of you climbing that horrible steep slope like in the ATC. I'm sorry, all i can do is say, i love you, I'm here with you, thinking of you, listening, reading, I know it's not much.

    big hug
    xxoo Ines

  6. I hear you. You'd think we'd get some cosmic get-out-of-jail-free card with this pregnancy. I think of you guys all the time and am hoping for those majority statistics everyone else can take comfort in.

    I wish I could flippantly say "Everything will be FIIIIIIINNEE!!!" but I can't, but I CAN tell you I'm sending all the good energy I have for happy news. Hang in there.

  7. I'm sorry for the extra worry and agree that we should be able to play the dead baby card and get a free pass...if only it were that easy! Have you had a quad screen or integrated screen test yet? If everything is normal in those results, I think you could find some reassurance. ((((HUGS))))

  8. Over the miles, though I can't be there to sit and drink a coffee with you, I'm praying for you that this low time will pass. Sigh, if only we could just scrub it all away....

  9. I've been away and missed your news. My love and thoughts are with you all.