Nothing much to report after the doctor's appointment yesterday...which in reality is good. Will have a follow-up sono in 4 weeks to see if the cysts have disappeared. Nothing else indicating a need to be concerned about d.s., and we won't be doing the amnio. We just continue to wait.
I'm getting bumped up to appointments every 2 weeks now as we get closer to week 30 of this pregnancy. Heard his little heartbeat...he kicked the doppler a couple of times. Glad he's lively...it helps my peace of mind.
And following up with having "peace of mind", I'm really struggling with feeling fearful about another placental abruption. Of not knowing again that something is wrong. I was with some friends last night and one of them got word about a family member having an emergency c-section. The baby was 4 lbs, and apparently his/her heart rate was dropping so they got him/her out ASAP and as far as I heard, is doing well. I'm glad for another tragedy avoided. I held it together, and thought of something else, but all the way home and as I was falling asleep, all I could think about was how that should have been us too. That we should have known...and gotten Lyra out. That ideally, instead of her being dead, and us fumbling around in this life now, that at 3.5 lbs she would have spent some time in the NICU, and then we would have brought her home. When do I stop replaying that last week over in my head? I'm not supposed to feel guilty, and that none of this was my fault. But my body still failed. It's all unexplained. There's no preventative measures to take that are any different than what we did the first time around. We're just tip toeing now, and hoping closer monitoring will be the difference if something goes wrong again.
Some days I'm tired of trying to be ok. Other days I'm tired of feeling sad. And I hope I'm not harming Simon with all this emotional roller coaster that is me. Poor little guy.
A big pick me up arrived today though: The Still Life 365 Traveling Journal!! So much beautiful work...I'm amazed at the talent, thoughtfulness, and beauty that each person has contributed to it. And I'm terribly excited about showing the gnome around town. I'll have some pictures to share later on :)