Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Random: Birthdays

Lyra,

This week is a big one for many of your friends as it's their one year birthdays. They've reached milestones, and created memories that will never be forgotten. Parties are being planned for them...cakes being made and candles bought to be blown out.

I haven't been a part of many of their lives...it's been really hard for me to see what we've missed out on. It hasn't been fair to their parents. Or to them. It's completely opposite of what we had planned. We'd all expected to watch our children grow together...to reach the one year mark together. You were to be due this week in 2010. You should be turning one. Instead, I've watched them all from a distance, and been selfish and fragile.

Simon is three weeks old now. I'm slowly working my mind around the complexities of the "should be's" with you, and what we literally have with him. He's been getting my undivided attention and care. We haven't been to your grave in two months. I'd like to go soon, and set up your new tiger guardian and put new flowers out. And introduce Simon to a very special place where we remember his big sister. You aren't forgotten even though he is here with us now. It's quite the opposite. Every moment with him shows me what we missed out on with you.

You are so very missed. I love you more than I can say.

Loving you always,
Mom

16 comments:

  1. Sending love and hugs - it's so hard to reconcile what should be and what is. I'm still struggling with this.

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  2. Thinking of you as you mark Lyra's due date. What a year it has been. I understand the part of pulling back from friends with babies that are around the same age Lyra would have been... I've done that too. And it's not fair, for any of us.

    Love to all of you.

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  3. Thinking of you & sending so much love your way as you remember Lyra ((hugs))

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  4. Wishing you much gentleness as Lyra's birthday approaches x

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  5. Sending love. I really wish she was here.
    xo

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  6. sending love and understanding xoxo

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  7. Your letter brought me to tears... so beautiful and I'm sure her little brother will grow to love her as dearly as you do xoxo

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  8. Tears shed here for you and Lyra! All my love~

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  9. Sending love and hugs. This is a difficult path we walk, but know we're walking it with you. I wish you had your beautiful one-year-old girl with you.
    xo

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  10. More love and hugs coming your way. I'm so sorry your sweet girl isn't with you. xx

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  11. How bittersweet it must be. I hope you're absolutely surrounded by love and strength.

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  12. Huge hugs. Its very hard. It was everyones 1st birthday last November and the month was full of jealousy and what should have been. xox

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  13. thinking of you and sweet sweet lyra rachel xxx

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  14. What a sweet letter. What a complex place you are in. Happy Birthday, Lyra. Wish you were here.

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