It's been forever since I've blogged...and I feel justified in all that's been going on. But when I sit down to list what I do on a daily basis, it doesn't seem like I'm really doing all that much. I can follow blogs on my phone now, but it's harder for me to comment. So please forgive me for being so quiet in response to all that is going on with your lives.
We are all moved and "unpacking" and settling in. I love the part where we get to reorganize and plan and decide where things should go and how things should look. It feels like a fresh start and both L and I like that. However, it's been slow going for me. Simon nurses long and loves to be close to me if he's not feeding. He's isn't 100% keen on the baby bjorn carrier, and so it makes it difficult to find two free hands to unpack during the day. I had my eye on a moby wrap when pregnant with Lyra, but am planning on ordering one asap as I've heard such good things about them. (Any other carriers or wraps out there I should consider before diving in with the moby?)
I realized I needed to reassess my mindset about Simon and "doing things". The other day I was sitting there nursing him, waiting for him to be done so we could go to the grocery store so I could mark it off my list of things to do...to accomplish. Some days it doesn't look like I've done anything...if I manage to make something for myself to eat, and throw on a new shirt I'm doing good. But he's the important thing right now*. The grocery store can wait. L can go later, or watch Simon and I can go later. Right then, I was providing nutrition and love for my son. And there's nothing shameful in that, even if I don't get everything accomplished that I had hoped to for the day. He's only this size and snuggly and in this stage for so long. There will be time later on when he'll not need so much attention and I can have snippets of time to do "stuff'. We're still working out a routine and how things look now that we're all together. But I won't wish this time away...or rush passed it.
I didn't get this with Lyra. So I'm going to cherish every second with Simon.
*I don't have other living children or a job, so I have the luxury of having such a low key approach right now. Don't hate me.
The house is great. Lucas did a fabulous job picking a house out. It's a pretty standard ranch style house, but it's one of the nicer ones in town that was available on such short notice. Simon gets his own room now, for which I'm glad. Now the fun part will be painting the walls of our house! We love color, and have some ideas about what walls we'll paint what colors. I'll get some pics up sometime soon hopefully.
Things are different. My grief is different. It's changed since Simon arrived. Maybe it's more masked because he takes so much energy. I've been told I seem happier. He does make me happy. I feel good about the move, and our new house, and life in general right now. That doesn't eliminate the grief/anger/sadness of Lyra being stillborn. I don't really even know what to say about it all right now. I don't have a solid explanation for how I feel, or seem, or how things are.
But a new friend gave us a gift for Simon. It was an outfit with 'little brother' on it. I hadn't gotten anything like that for him...indicating there had been someone before him. But I immediately loved it. And I have to post a picture of it...Lyra's little brother showing off his new outfit.