I have a live baby. And that's kinda weird.
It shouldn't be. Lots of people have live babies. But since Lyra died, I didn't trust it would actually happen for us again. Call it lack of faith, or optimism or good mojo.
And we worked so hard to keep Simon alive and well while I was pregnant. That was our entire mindset - was to just make it the next appointment with a heartbeat and as few issues as possible. Hoping death and bad luck would stay away this time.
We're one of the lucky ones. It did stay away. But we didn't fully engage ourselves in what the implications of bringing home a live baby were. Holy shit. He's here and we get to keep him!
I'm waiting to feel again though. These 5 days with Simon have been crazy awesome. Not easy by any means, but he just is simply wonderful. And I don't think I've let myself feel so I don't ruin it. Or maybe it's just the baby-moon that everyone talks about. I'm kinda just waiting to crash and burn emotionally...with the normal hormonal imbalance and newborn stresses that happen, along with the grief of what we've missed with Lyra. I'm sure you can look forward to a post about all that sometime...
But for now, I'm relishing the sweetness that is my son. I know it's not easy always...we're all at different life stages and grief stages, but thank you for welcoming him, and for your happiness for us. I've not commented lately, but am keeping up with all your posts.
Wishing everyone a bright moment of happiness this coming week.