Friday, December 9, 2011


I'm wrapping presents in brown paper this year. I've gathered paper bags from the grocery and have a roll of brown paper as back up. I use yarn to finish off the presents, penning a flourished first letter of the person's name in place of gift tags.

It feels simple. Which is just right. The smooth brown planes of paper wrap each gift without exuberance. Without proclaiming some magical time of year with bright colors and fabled old men flying with hooved creatures. It let's me feel a part of the holidays in my own time...decorating it as works for me.

When the nurses took Lyra away to be dressed, we requested she just be in a simple dress, or just the blanket. We didn't need her all dressed up. She was beautiful and perfect just as she was. She was brought back wrapped in her blanket, and a simple white dress spotted with pink flowers. I so wish we would have known it was okay to hold her longer. To unwrap her and see her. To rewrap her as all mothers do their babies.

Thoughts fall on her more often this month. More often than the daily thoughts I already have of her, that is.

Wishing you all peaceful moments this holiday season.


  1. You have been on my mind frequently as Lyra's day approaches. Sending thoughts of love my friend, be gentle with your heart during this time of remembering.

  2. This sentence totally hits home: "I so wish we would have known it was okay to hold her longer. To unwrap her and see her. "
    Me too my dear. It's never enough time when you have to say good-bye... but I regret not holding him longer.

    Lyra is never far from my thoughts as well. She'll never be forgotten.
    Sending a big hug!! xx

  3. Love your simple wrapping! I have a large roll of white paper and when my kiddos wrap presents for their friends bday gifts I always have them wrap and then decorate the plain paper. They love doing it and the child on the receiving end always seems to enjoy their creations as well.

    As for holding our babes... I wasn't rushed but was told that the longer we held her the more her skin would deteriorate so I felt a little pressure to give her up. The next morning the nurse came in and she happened to be a freind of mine... she asked if we wanted to see Claire again and I was shocked! I had no idea I would be able to. Andrew was hesitant as we were told she would look different after sitting all night and he was afraid that it wouldn't be a good experience. I was pretty insistent though as I wanted my bff (a photographer) to come in and take professional pictures of her if she looked alright and it really was the best decision we made. Her color had changed but as with any baby, the initial swelling had gone down and we really got a good look at all of her features.

    I agree with 'skytimes' that there never would have been enough time though.

    Sorry for the ramble, your post just triggered those thoughts for me.

    I think that there needs to be more education for the nusing staff as to how to deal with bereaved parents... we need to know that anything we want to do is okay. I have met too many women who live with regret over not doing one thing or another because they didn't know it was "normal" or healing in the long run.

    x <3 o

  4. I love the simplicity and the quiet way of being part while standing in some ways apart. Thinking of you and wishing you light this month.

  5. The tenderness of this - thinking about wrapping and unwrapping our babes... oh, brought tears to my eyes. As others commented, there is never enough time with your baby that has died.

    It is a tender time of year for me, marking another Christmas without Acacia, and this year with Allie.

    Thinking of you, your husband, Lyra and Simon.

  6. The poignancy of this catches me in my throat... Quietly abiding this with you, friend, and keeping you and Lyra in my thoughts. X

  7. You always express yourself with such eloquence. Your moments with Lyra are just as beautiful as they are heart wrenching. As much as it can be, my heart is with you this month.

  8. Yes, you have a way in expressing yourself that is so moving. I too will keep you and L and Simon in my thoughts as you remember Lyra. She was gone too soon, but forever will be here.

  9. Hope was dressed in a plain aqua suit and wrapped in a yellow blanket - the gender neutral things we already had packed for her. The nurses kept wanting to dress her in pink things, I kept declining. Then when they took her away to the morgue for a while, before we had her blessed, she came back covered in pink. Turns out those nurses couldn't help themselves. I know they were only being nice and trying to help, but I wanted her left alone. She looked like a freakin' pink marshmallow when we left her in that little hospital chapel. I can almost laugh about it now...

  10. The presents sound just lovely and perfect. Sending you lots of love as Lyra's day nears. Oh, these babies.