Monday, February 6, 2012


We celebrated Simon's first birthday this last weekend. I made these streamers after searching for DIY homemade decoration ideas online. It's so simple, but incredibly festive. Cut strips of fabric, and tie them to yarn or string. Voila.

I hated taking them down, but they will be used again.

I made a chocolate cake, decorated with dinosaurs. I also tried my hand at homemade oreos and shortbread cookies. I'd recommend both recipes to anyone. The shortbread cookies go particularly well with a cup of good tea.

I felt fairly emotional about Simon turning one. Everyone always barks at you how fast it flies by. And it's true. I look back at video snippets and pictures and wonder how he could change so much in one year.

But it makes me wonder about her.

Images of pinks and butterflies and frilly skirts vanish as I run a green J.ohn D.eere tractor over Simon's legs and up and over a chair. I love roaring dinosaurs and I look forward to catching turtles and making mud pies. I don't lament over anything to do with this sweet little boy that I'm lucky to have in my life.

The shadow babies that she would have been born with are coming up on two years this month. I guess they aren't babies anymore.

It's more subtle now, but echoes of her resound in every element of our lives.

And I'm not really saying anything new.


  1. It's not like in those happy cherished moments you aren't happy, I hear you. It's just that with remembering you not only are reminded of the past joys, but also of what hasn't been able to be yours. I wish you could have also been planning a birthday party for Lyra too...Hugs.

  2. It's just always present isn't it...the missing? No one really gets it, unless they have reason to.Love to you all. x

  3. It may not be anything 'new' but it is kind of our everyday isn't it?
    Sending light...

  4. LOVE the crafty party! And those streamers? Add pink and it's Valentine's Day and green for St. Patrick's Day and Christmas.. so festive and fun!

    And the underlying sadness that goes with every occasion... as sad as it may be, I wouldn't change it for anything as it is all that I have. It gives me a time to reflect on what I have lost and what I have gained... it makes me thankful for having had what little time I did have with Claire and makes me grateful for all of the celebrations that I get to spend with her brothers and sisters. Make sense? I hope so.

    x <3 o

  5. Yes, maybe not anything new, but there just the same. I often feel the same way - the missing-ness of him just repeats and repeats and repeats, woven throughout different events and times and places in our lives. I guess it will always be that way. xx

  6. It doesn't have to be new. The missing will be forever, and we will be doing it when we are old. I love the picture of you rolling the tractor up your son. I think/ dream of the girl things or rather things in general done with my girl that never will be, as I play trains and stomp rockets, roaring around the house and boy stuff galore with my now big 3 year old. We love and we miss simultaneously as we are so thankful for our sons and wishing for our daughters too