I'm not sure what to write after the "Right Where I Am" 2012 post. It was a big chunk of honesty.
Thank you for all the comments. I felt so embraced. I would instantly invite you all over if I could. I'd try to convince you to do something artsy with me, and we'd eat another cranberry orange scone. I'd have my P.andora station playing, and the hours would easily tick by.
We could remember and eat and play and create new memories together. It'd be lovely.
I was reminded of the difficulties of simple questions. I've managed to build a sort of wall against them, and even wield the simple question myself at times, against others. Unintentionally of course...a sort of camouflage technique to prove I'm "normal" again. But I know the damage and difficulties they bring, and I needed the reminder.
I found some pages that were written the year after Lyra died. Many many many words of confusion and sadness. I'm not always sure that those words still couldn't be spoken today, at least in regards to L and I. While our life has improved drastically, and is more stable, and we are more whole with Simon, there are still broken pieces.
I'll be away from the computer for a time, but will return. Wishing you lots of sun and love these days.