Everything preterm labor related says to go to the hospital if you have more than 4 contractions in an hour and back pain and you know the list...so I went into the hospital Sunday night. I was hesitant to go in because it was the same day we went in to the hospital to check on Lyra one year ago. They monitored me for a while and did the "check to see if labor might happen in the next two weeks" test. It came back negative, and they discharged me telling me to return if the contractions/pain got worse. They disappeared by Monday afternoon.
I know some of my posts recently have been predominantly about Simon and this pregnancy. I'm trying to not just repeat myself about how much I miss Lyra, or feel guilty still, or whatever pertains to grief. Sometimes I read other BLM posts that state exactly what I'm feeling so much more succinctly than I could, so I don't bother trying to write it myself. I also haven't done a lot of art lately, which is what I intended this blog to be mainly about. But I'm realizing I have to be open to how things develop and change...including myself. My therapist today reinforced that I need to take care of me first and foremost and not fall back into worrying about what other people think or might be uncomfortable about in regards to my grief and this pregnancy. It's easy for me to start worrying about this blog...that I'll lose followers if I don't do enough art, or if I talk about Simon too much, or am grammatically incorrect. Silly me...it's not about you (sorry). This is my space to be angry and sort things out and heal. If I find others who connect with me, great. If I don't, then ultimately it's still a step at a time for me, with whatever rambling I present, or painting I do, or picture I take. In fact, saying all this is a big step in itself... :)
Today was supposed to be the follow-up sono for the cysts, but there was a mix-up of some sort and it ended up being a bio-physical one instead. Getting that straightened out is on the schedule for tomorrow when I meet with my doc.
The last sono tech I had curtly responded to any questions I had, "I just take pictures." The one today was amiable and so very encouraging and friendly. She unknowingly gave me a huge boost in spirit by asking about the abruption with Lyra. I mentioned I didn't have any external bleeding and no pain whatsoever. She responded, "You know we learn in school that there is supposed to be pain, but in my experience with abruptions, there are many women who never had any pain." I told her that it was unfortunate, but terribly reassuring to hear that. It made me feel less abnormal, and I needed that this week.
I'm including a 3-D picture of Simon. The sono tech mentioned that he had big, pouty lips...and that he does! His nose is also way bigger than Lyra's was. I think he's great though :)