Travels

We are currently passed the teething crisis of last week. It took a few days, but we made it and Simon, is more or less, back to his same old self.

Simon has a new friend who was born this past month, so we traveled to see them this weekend for their baby shower. The shower was so beautiful and it was obvious how much love there was for my friend and her little boy. 

It was in the same town Lyra is buried, so I updated the flowers at her grave, from autumn colors to  nice bright yellow spring roses. I couldn't linger, as they were mowing, and Simon was waiting. But it was a beautiful day to visit her for a few moments.

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Simon is 14 months now. He's learning so much and showing that he's quick to learn and mimic. He communicates through a series of noises, signing, and pulling us and pointing to whatever he's interested in. He can sign "more", "all done", & "thank you". He says, "mah mah mah" while he signs "more". I used to think he was saying, "ma, i want more." But it's his way of saying "more". He bobs his head and dances when music is played, and it's just so stinkin cute. When we come in from outside, he points to his shoes for them to be taken off, like us adults do, and then does a hand washing motion. He has a funny little question sounding noise, and then his pissed off screech. He's also quite adept at throwing his toys, or throwing himself to the ground and laying on his back when he's unhappy. I could go on and on about how amazing my little boy is, but of course I'm biased and know that we all have way more going on in our lives to actually read it if I did that.

My wish or hope or thought provoking statement for my friend's baby shower was to enjoy the little every day moments together. It's not just the birthday's, or holidays, or firsts or other momentous occasions that are important. For me, it's the days that I don't get dishes done because we're playing outside together, or he pulls me to go push him around in the laundry basket. I won't remember the chores in 20 years, but I will remember (hopefully) these moments with him.

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Our garden is growing. We have peas, green beans, and about a million lettuces and spinach. We are worried about heat, as it's already been unseasonably warm already, so we didn't bother with many other things. I could probably go ahead and plant our peppers though. We don't have much else, as we were worried about the heat, and wanted to start small. I'm excited for what we may get though, and it's a good start :)

Updates

This past Sunday, Simon and I traveled with my family to my old college town. The choir was performing the Me.ssiah and it would also give us a chance to update Lyra's grave.

I never know whether I'm supposed to smile in these pictures. "Look how great I look in front of my daughter's grave!" I inevitably smile because it's just what I do when there is a camera. But it feels funny.

Simon was wowed by the Christmas decorations, and it was freezing. But it was nice to go back and see her spot. I miss her.

Random

The good and bad for the day trip on Saturday:

Bad:

- A rather warm day

- I don't do well in social situations anymore. Before Lyra died, I was just normally awkward. Now I'm just terribly skittish, weird, and don't know how to answer simple small-talky kind of questions. I already knew this, but thought this time might be different for the arts and crafts fair? Nope.

- A/C in vehicle threatened to go out on us

- 9 months without my daughter

Good:

- My spirits were lifted immensely by the friend I got to spend the day with. 

- Lyra's tiger was still there and her flowers hadn't faded!

- Future scheming for getting together

- Free lemonade iced tea at coffee shop

- Did I mention I had good company?!?

Random

Working on my sketchbook project. Not ready to show any new pages quite yet.
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So excited for it to be Friday. It's one day closer to our sonogram next week. It's one day closer to my husband's weekend. And it's one day closer to tomorrow!

Tomorrow, a fellow BLM/blogger/friend, is going with me to the town Lyra is buried. I usually end up going by myself, on some random day, just because I have to see it. To make sure the tiger is still there. There's something really important to me about her being visited. To show she's cared for - that she's not abandoned. I'm glad for this friend's willingness to go and be a part of that with me. I'd love to know that other people are visiting her too.

There's also an arts/crafts fair that will be going on in the town, so we'll go and peruse and probably run into old college friends. Maybe get some Christmas shopping done...

I think it will be a day of remembering, laughing, mourning, sharing, shopping, and eating. And I'm looking forward to it :)

7.27.10

Lyra's Tiger

Digital Photo

The cemetery was mown recently, but not weed wacked, so I had to pull quite a bit of grass to make it short enough to see her stone. The planter I decorated and left last time was gone, as were all the flowers and tokens left on the other stones around the cemetery. But the tiger was left, laying atop her name. Not sure why he was spared, but very glad for it. I retied him to his stake, in hopes he'll be spared future pick-ups and mowings. I also left new flowers.

He's getting so faded. I suppose it would make sense to have a new tiger to watch over her each year. He seems mostly intact otherwise...he doesn't get a lot of physical abuse besides rain and wind. No little hands tugging at him, throwing him, or making him roam around, playing with other stuffed animals. This picture, though sad, also lightens my spirits a little because he's so cute peeking over. I'll say it again: I'm glad to have him there to watch over when we can't be there.

*Update: 7.28.10: I should explain that I don't think the items were stolen by someone. I think the cemetery picks it up for when they mow. They probably have a policy about items that are not secured specifically or created specifically with the gravestone. L said we could get a planter cemented to her stone base if we wanted probably. Some people may leave something once a year, and it sits there or blows away and "clutters" the cemetery yard. I need to call and find out for things I leave in the future. But considering they gathered everything else, I'm still fairly surprised they left the tiger.

6.13.10

Pictures taken on trip to see Lyra's grave today.

There's been so much rain. I got a new flower holder

 I decorated, and some new flowers for this month.

The poem is by William Broome:

The stars in order

twinkle in the skies

and fall in silence

and in silence rise.

The little white church we got married in. Arrow pointing to Lyra's grave.

Clear skies for a time.

Getting closer to harvest time in Kansas.

5.3.10

Lyra's cemetery

Pencil & Sharpie Pen

Her plot is over on the left side, first row by the first tree.

4.29.10

Cars drive by - unaware
The pain like a spy - hiding
Ready to release - exploding
Nothing to do but endure - suffocating


The sun shining down - beaming
The stars watching out - twinkling
My heart full of you - loving
Always a part of us - including


Someday a bright spot - hoping
A path more known - freeing
Struggles far away - dreaming
A love never broken - unending

4.7.10

Today is another picture from our visit to Lyra's grave at Easter. I know, more gravestone pics. But the last time I put one of the pictures up, an anonymous person posted a beautiful poem about the tiger we've left there to keep the space company/protected/etc. So the photo is mine, but the poem is by an anonymous poster. To whomever left that for me - thank you so much. You've put into words exactly how I feel and the comfort I get from having the tiger there with her.

tiger beside her
watching over her
ever vigil
constant care

tiger beside her
sun out, moon out
ever vigil
constant care

tiger beside her
ice, rain, hail, snow
ever vigil
constant care

tiger beside her
clouds high, stars bright
ever vigil
constant care

tiger beside her
safe and nestled
ever vigil
constant care

tiger beside her
soldier, angel
ever vigil
constant care

tiger beside her
peace assuring
ever vigil
constant care.

(vigil: to watch: a purposeful surveillance to guard or observe) 
for your lyra and in memory of my little lost one

3.30.10

I finished a meeting with a client in a nearby town, and decided to go see Lyra. They had gotten the headstone in already! I didn't have our camera with me, so this is taken with my phone. I think the stone looks great though. I used a wooden stake to tie the tiger to, and got a flower from the local shop to leave. I might get a fake one to keep the site pretty longer. Missing her mighty bad though. 


I don't know how to explain this very well, but this feels like the last parental thing we could do to take care of her. Everything from here on out is for remembrance and to keep her part of our lives.

3.15.10

I visited Lyra's gravesite. Her little tiger we left to keep it company is still there despite not being tied down. I always worry about the Kansas wind getting it, but with storm season quickly approaching I know it really can be blown away. I found some duct tape in the car and made a loop around its leg and tied it to the temporary marker. We'll have to figure something else out when her headstone is put in sometime this spring. I got some good time just sitting by her site before it got too chilly. I did a bit of writing, and a lot of crying.

Totally separate, but somewhat connected to these pictures is my attempt to work with the Creative Everyday Theme for March: Stories

A man comes into the cemetery. He walks slowly, glancing right and left at the graves near him. He's not looking for one in particular; he's just passing some time as he walks to whatever his final destination is. As he nears one grave, he does a double take as it has an orange tiger sitting atop it. Dirt is still visible on the grave - not yet grown over by grass. He pauses in his walk, and then steps closer. 

He looks around, wondering if anyone is watching. He glances at a car nearby, but seeing as the young woman is staying in her car and not by a particular plot, he continues towards the grave for a closer look at the name; at the date.

With no other information than that, he nods his head as if he understands and turns to leave. He takes one last look around to glean more details about this little grave, but finds none and walks out of the cemetery.

Sometimes a story remains untold; a mystery in the heart of a stranger as they walk amidst the stones of the dead.